Lakers Victory Mayhem

Alex's rant of the day...

I am not a sports fan here, but come on...how ghetto can people get? Rioting and looting after your team wins the championship? Makes me wonder what they would have done if the Lakers had lost.

And Then It Hit Me...

As usual, some time has passed since my last blog post. I kept telling myself (and others) that the reason I don't post often is that I am simply too busy. Yes I am busy with school, work, and my man. But if truth be told, I don't post regularly because the blog thing intimidates me a little still. I go out and read other peoples' blog postings, and I am impressed by their dedication, but also am amazed by their exceptional writing skills. They can always seem to make even the most mundane life event seem interesting. I simply need to stop worrying about writing some award-winning novel everytime, and just go with the flow and write from the heart.

Anyhow, now finally to the subject of my post. Yesterday, I was with my man at school as usual. We were getting some food, and as I watched him in line, I was overcome by a sudden and intense feeling. I kept staring at him and couldn't get over how incredibly hot he looked. I was thinking to myself how lucky I was that this awesome guy was mine! I had this unexplainable and strong desire to be with him both physically and emotionally right then and there. This wasn't my usual horniness talking either - believe me, I know what horny feels like. Long story short, we went back to his place and had the most extraordinary intimate encounter ever! The physical part was mind-blowing for sure, but we also totally connected on such a personal level. Afterward, while basking in the afterglow, I told Chris that I wanted to spend the rest of my life with him. I hadn't planned to say that. I just spoke my heart. He didn't say much, so I got a bit nervous that he was worried I was pressing for a commitment. Things are fine today, but I kept going over and over in my mind why I was having these crazy intense feelings and why I felt like I couldn't control them. It wasn't until I chatted up with my friend Paul that the obvious answer was right there in front of me. I was truly in love for the first time in my life. I was married once, had more sex partners than I care to remember, and even had a boyfriend before Chris. But I never had feelings like this before for anyone else until now. I am so madly, deeply in love with Chris and it hit me like a freight train! What a feeling. I guess I am a late bloomer, but better late than never =)

Happy Holidays!

Bad habits die hard, and I am already getting a bit flaky on the blog thing. Hey, but at least I am getting one in before Christmas! Chris and I will spend the holiday with our respective families, then meet up later on. It kind of sucks that we can't do both houses together, but at least we will have some time. I had a heck of a time trying to figure out what to get my man for a present. But a few days ago after hearing him curse at his cheap MP3 player for the umpteenth time, the light went on in my head. I went out and got him an Apple I-Pod Touch. A bit pricey, but that thing is awesome, and I never realized all that it could do. I thought it was just fun and games, but it is a lot more. Now I want my own! Last week we had a nice snow here in the Antelope Valley...about 8" or so. It's all but melted now, and the forecast for Thursday is rain. So much for a white Christmas. I look forward to 2009 with anticipation. I hope everyone has a safe and fun holiday!

Back From The Dead

Hello to those of you that might have wondered where the heck I've been lately. I admit I got so caught up with school, work, and of course, the boyfriend, that my dedication to maintaining a blog went out the window. I just finished the winter quarter at my school and am now on holiday break until early January. I look forward to spending a cozy Christmas and New Year's with Chris, who I am still so madly in love with. Things have been going pretty well with us. Every once in a while, I get a little annoyed that we have to keep our relationship on the down low, but I know it's not forever...just until my man finishes school. Anyone catch the Tonight Show last night? That Wanda Sykes is a riot and a half. Then after her, Michael Phelps was the next guest. He actually was kind of funny himself and is definitely getting better at interviewing. He may be a little dorky looking...but damn...that body of his. He can swim in our pool anytime! Well, that's all for now folks. My goal is to post a new blog at least once a week.

Really Back Again...

I know, I know...I've been flaking again on my blogging. To all you other guys that keep up on yours regularly, my hat is off to you! Hopefully everyone is enjoying their summer. It has been 100 degrees or more almost every day where I live, which sucks. What I would give to live somewhere like San Diego! Maybe one day after I graduate and have real money. Until then, I am enjoying things with my man. I love Chris to pieces and am so grateful to have him in my life. Chris had applied to the three California State Universities closest to our hometown, but I managed to convince him to accept an offer at the one I attend :) That's the good news. Now for the not no good news. Yesterday, Chris said we needed to talk. Of course that serious tone made me nervous. Was he going to dump me or something? There were some crazy thoughts going on in my insecure mind. Chris basically wanted to know if it was cool with me to keep our relationship on the down low for another 4 years. He said that his parents were going to pay his college expenses, but he knows that if his parents catch on that he is with a guy, they would pull their funding and he would be on his own. He is not exaggerating things...his parents, especially his father are total homophobes. Chris says he loves me and doesn't want things to change between us. But if his parents don't pay for his college, he has no way to himself unless he takes out massive student loans. I told him that I could live with things as, and I meant it, but a part of me is feeling a little hurt. It might sound selfish of my part, but I was really hoping that we could be 100% open by now, and to hell with what anyone thinks. If I could, I would totally pay for his college, but I have hard enough of a time taking care of my school expenses, and that's just part time. I mean how can I ask Chris to fore go his chance at an education just so I can say we are no longer on the down low anymore. I am not really in a position to preach to someone about coming out since I lied to myself and family for a long time...even getting married. I guess the important thing is that we can still be together. That's my rant for the week.

Back Again...

After a much too long absence and a 'gentle' reminder from my friend Paul, I am trying to get back to blogging. Part of my absence was because school and work are taking up lots of my time. I so can't wait for the quarter to end next week. On a personal front things are much calmer, thank goodness. My psycho ex boyfriend has finally left me alone, so the drama is finally gone. Good thing because for a while it was really wearing on me...and Chris too. Speaking of Chris, things are going well for us. We are spending much of our free time together, which I am thoroughly enjoying. Not only are we very good together in bed, but also have become best friends. The only downside I guess is that we haven't officially called labeled ourselves as boyfriends or said we're dating. Last time we kind of talked about things a while back, Chris said he was bi. Sometimes I wonder if he said that because that is easier to admit than saying you are outright gay. I know, because I went through the same thing in my younger years. Oh the joy of coming out of the closet! It doesn't help that is parents are homophobes, so of course we are always on the down low. I can live with that for now. He is only 18 and can't afford to alienate the folks right now. So for now I am just enjoying the time we have now and being cautiously optimistic. Hopefully all will work out...

I'm Back Finally...

After falling into old lazy habits recently, I am back to blogging again. As usual, I am keeping plenty busy with school and work. Due to California's budget crisis, there is some serious talk about CSU fees going up yet again! Financial aid is supposed to be increased as well, but who knows. The dream of a college education is slipping further and further away from the poor folk like me. I will hang in there as long as I can because I want to finally be done with school after all these years. On a personal front, my ex Bobby is becoming a big pain in my ass. Recently, he saw Chris and I at the gym, and figured out that this was the guy I was playing with. Even though Chris and I play it real cool in public, I guess it doesn't take a rocket scientist to see attraction. Bobby called me later and asked if I cheated on him with Chris while we were together. I told him not that it really mattered now, but I didn't do anything with Chris until after we broke up. Bobby then bluntly asked if I told Chris about my past STD incident. I told him to stay the f@ck out of my business and hung up the phone. Though he didn't really say it, I know he was totally implying that he might tell Chris just to be a spiteful prick. I don't know what the hell is up with Bobby. If he doesn't want me, fine, let it go and move on. He is not happy, so I guess I don't deserve to be happy myself. I sometimes really think he needs some professional help! Now I am thinking I need to be proactive with Chris. Even though we are still in a NSA relationship, we are still friends at the very least. I think if Bobby goes to Chris spouting off crap, it would probably freak him out. I plan to get tested again and get printed results. Then I will sit Chris down, tell him about my past, show that I am clean now, and that my psycho ex is on the rampage. So much drama to go through, but at least if I am forthcoming with Chris, Bobby has nothing to threaten me with. Are there other guys out there like me that have exes that just won't go away? If so, I am open to suggestions. Peace.