Pet Peeve of the Day

Did anyone catch that online article recently titled "Is America ready for a gay 'Idol'?" (http://news.yahoo.com/s/ap/20080306/ap_en_mu/gay_idol) As soon as I saw it, I knew I was going to get pissed. Sure enough I did! Just when I think gays have really made some progress in the world, crap stories like that come out to remind us just how many ignorant people there are still out there. American Idol should be just about pure talent. Who the hell cares about the person's sexual orientation?! By the way, there are some very cute guys this season on AI... :)

The Plot Thickens...

I officially (and I do mean officially) found out last Friday night that my cute friend Chris is, as he puts it - "bi-curious." Let me backup and tell the story, which still trips me out even now. Because I am in school part-time now, I often go the gym at strange days and times. So last Friday evening I was at the gym trying to be a good boy and not flake. Chris was there and we hung out and worked out together which was cool as usual. Afterward, we were both hungry, so we went to a nearby restaurant for dinner. Then Chris asked if I wanted to play video games and drink beer at my place. I was cool with that, but I had to buy the beer since Chris is only 18 lol. Anyhow, after playing games for a while and getting a few beers in us, Chris asked if I was dating any girls. I just smiled and said "not lately." Then I got the balls and just told him that I was gay, and just out of a relationship with a guy. He said he kind of suspected I was, but wasn't 100% sure. He told me it was no big deal and that I should have told him earlier. Then I got even more bold with him and said that the reason I didn't mention it was because I had a big crush on him, and didn't want to freak him out. Chris looked at me kind of funny, and I wasn't sure what to make of it. He then asked me why I hadn't told him about the crush. I replied "isn't it obvious? You were under 18 at the time, and you had a girlfriend." He said he understood all that, but he and his girlfriend had broken up. Then he goes on to say how he's been very curious lately about what it would be like to be with a guy. Dayum! He then put his hand on my leg and asked if I would mind if he kissed me. I didn't stop him. Without going into the graphic details, let's just say we both ended naked exploring each other that night. We didn't go all the way, but it was very hot just the same. After our little adventure, he said he really enjoyed it. Chris emphasized that he wasn't gay, just bi maybe. He still liked women, but also found guys attractive. He asked that I keep our little incident on the down low, and that he might be interested in another round some time. I've talked to Chris once since that night, and everything seems cool. I don't know what to think, and never expected my young crush dug me too. Blows the mind...

It's not Friday yet...?

Not a whole lot shaking lately. Pretty much, I've been working and going to school, so that takes up most of my time. I've also been a lot better lately about not staying at home feeling sorry for myself. I have been hanging out with my friends more, which has done a lot to lift my spirits. My online gay buds have been awesome too. When I was going through all my BF drama, I should have leaned on them for support instead of going into hiding. It so amazingly cool that we can all be there for one another. What else? I did have this guy that I was chatting with get all pissy at me. We were talking about what kind of stuff we could do (as friends) if we met up one day. I told him I'd probably be OK going to a gay bar, but that I wasn't really into the gay pride stuff. Not that I am against it or anything, but it's just not my scene. He acted all offended and said that I should accept who I was. WTF!?!? I ended my marriage, came out to everyone in my life, and had a BF, yet I am not accepting myself as gay? I guess to each their own. Maybe I am just an odd gay man because I am not into most of the stereotypical gay scene. I am not attracted to the real flamey or queeny types. I am more into the boy next door type. I know there are more guys like me out there, just finding them near me is the challenge. I've seen Chris at the gym lately, and I swear it seems like he is totally flirting with me. But he is supposedly straight and had a GF. Maybe if I want to find out for sure, I should just grab his crotch and see how he reacts LOL. Until later...

Hump Day

I hope everyone enjoyed their 3-day weekend. Not too much new with here, except for a couple of drama moments. The first incident was that I saw Bobby at the gym on Saturday. Actually it was from across the room, and I know he saw me, but neither of us made an attempt to approach or talk to the other. It was the first time seeing him since the breakup, and was very awkward. I had a knot in my stomach after that. I guess it will take some time, and I should probably get used to running into him from time to time. The other incident came from my Mom. When I had dinner on V-Day with Roxie (my ex), we ran into a family friend of mine. Anyhow this lady told my Mom she saw us together having dinner. So my Mom has this stupid grin on her face when she mentioned it to me on Monday. She didn't say it, but I could totally read her mind. I told her that it wasn't a date, we were just two friend out for dinner, and that we will never get back together in that way. I also casually mentioned that being gay wasn't a passing fancy for me and that she really needs to accept that fact of life. Aye carumba!

So What Are You All Up To Today?

I was just curious to know how you guys, single and taken, plan to spend V-Day? I originally thought I'd be home alone moping around, but I am going to have dinner with a friend...my ex-wife of all people. It's cool because we're good friends again and both single, so why not hang out for some good company? Don't worry, I am not reverting back to my old ways...LOL

Valentine's Day Sucks For Me, But My Eye Candy is Back!

As promised myself, I am back blogging again. Everyday is probably not a realistic goal for me, but once a week, maybe a bit more, seems manageable. It just dawned on me that tomorrow is Valentine's Day, so of course I am dreading the day. I'll get through it I am sure, but it will be a rough day since I didn't even share one Valentine's Day with Bobby :( I thought to myself that maybe I should have done the honesty bit after V-Day so I could have at least had that day with him lol. It seems like people usually break up before this day for some sick reason. On a positive front, my former hot eye candy has started going the gym again, so that at least gives me something nice to look at as I sweat it out. His name is Chris, and I started talking to him last year at the gym. He is a very hot and sweet guy. Did I mention he is HOT! lol Anyhow, I had such a crush on him, but I had a couple strikes against me, so I never made a move. First, at the time, he was 17, so I didn't think the jail bait thing was a good idea. Second, and most sad, he is straight. He has a GF that he talked about, but I thought I got some vibes from him sometimes. Either my gaydar was way off, or it was total wishful thinking on my part. Anyhow, it will be cool to have a friend at the gym, especially a cute one! Besides, I am definitely steering clear of the relationship thing for a while. To all the happy couples out there, have a great day tomorrow!

Still Alive Here

Hey all, I know it's been a long ass time since my last blog entry, but I am still around. I retreated for a while because of a bunch of crap that went down in my personal life. First and foremost, my boyfriend Bobby broke up with me recently. This was my first serious boyfriend since leaving my marriage and coming out openly as gay. Too say I was devastated is an understatement! I thought Bobby was the total package...an amazing friend AND lover. After the breakup, I went into depression mode big time and totally avoided anything that resembled social networking or the dating scene. So what happened? I had kept something from him about my past. Because things were getting serious between us, I felt that I needed to be totally honest as secrets aren't usually a good thing in a relationship. I told him that long before we met, I had contracted and was treated for the STD syphilis. Between the time of my coming out and meeting Bobby, I went through a boy crazy phase with my new found freedom. I am not proud of it, but I had a number of casual encounters with other men. Even though I was a horn dog trying to get as much play as possible, I generally did my best to screen guys and play it safe. There was this one guy that I got with and we were without condoms. He swore he was clean and said I could do him raw, and like an idiot I did. Thinking I was safe, I pulled out before cumming, but that obviously didn't protect me from syphilis. About a couple weeks later, there was a reddish bump on my shaft, and I just knew something wasn't right. I got tested right away and had to wait two weeks for the results...the longest two weeks of my life. When they called and said I had syphilis, my heart sank. I went in the next day for treatment, which was getting a penicillin shot in the ass with a needle so huge, the nurse advised me not to watch. While it sucked getting an STD, it was probably the best thing to happen to me. Definitely a wake up call that I needed to change my lifestyle. I am so grateful that I got an STD that was curable when it could have been so much worse. All of these events happened long before I met Bobby. I debated back and forth about telling him, but in the end, I thought I should be honest about my past. I expected him to be shocked and a little disappointed perhaps, but not to be so upset to end things with us. He basically told me that he never really knew me and that he couldn't be with someone that makes such poor lifestyle choices. OK, what do you say to that? I acknowledged my past stupid mistakes and that I learned from them, but that didn't seem to matter to him. I shared my situation with a select few people, and they all mostly pretty much said that I was right to be honest. A couple people said it wasn't worth the drama since my STD was a thing of the past. But all seem to concur that although Bobby had every right to be saddened, he didn't have to be so self-righteous and judgemental. I don't know, but people screw up sometimes, and as long as they learn from their mistakes, forgiveness and acceptance should always be there. Now if I currently had an STD, was sleeping with Bobby, and didn't tell him, I could see that being unforgivable. Oh well, what's done is done, and I need to move on from here. If kind of feels good to get this all out, so thanks for letting me vent.

-Alex