Monday, December 3, 2007

Relationship Thawing with Ex

While cleaning about a week ago, I came across a small box of photos that belonged to my ex wife Roxanna. I decided to send her an e-mail telling her about the pictures and that I would like to have some coffee so we could chat. To my big surprise, she agreed to meet me. Up until this point, things were rather icy between us. At first, things were kind of awkward with some random chit chat. Then I told her that I needed to get some stuff off my chest. First, I apologized for all the pain that I caused her, and that though it was a huge mistake on my part, it was never my intention to deliberately hurt her. I explained that I truly did love her as a friend and used to have tons of fun with her. In my confused mind at the time, I thought that marrying my best friend would make everything perfect. I would be with someone full-time that I loved being around, and just maybe that "unnatural" attraction toward men would go away once I was married to a great lady. Well of course I found out the hard way that you can't change who you really are. Roxanna told me that for the longest time she hated and resented me. She felt duped and used, and of course the embarrassment that comes with a husband coming out is just insane. I think that this was the first time we actually were discussing our feelings in a calm and completely honest manner. We talked for over almost three hours just catching up on each others lives. We are going to try being friends again. It will take some work, but for the first time I think we are finally at a place to give it a try.

3 comments:

Anonymous said...

Alex, I'm glad to hear you & the Ex are able to talk like this. It's tough on the memories of the pas but good you both are at a point where it makes it possible to talk again. I don't think my ex will ever get over being bitter with me and I don't blame her one bit. I too care about her and never wanted to hurt her but not a lot I can do about that now other than give it time. I know you as well as I only want our ex's to be able to move on and find that special someone that can give them everything that we weren't quite able to fulfill. I guess time is the key.

Sooo-this-is-me said...

Hello Alex, welcome to blog-land! This is definitely a place to work out your thoughts, plus you will meet a lot of great guys along the way.
Regarding the ex, I think you are probably doing the best thing you can by being totally honest with her. I hope you guys can move past this and become close again. Good luck.

Steven

Topher said...

Am glad to hear that you guys were able to be open about what happened, and about how you both felt without casting blame on each other. Like you said, it'll take some work but hey, that's one step forward to working things out.